Worst Day ever.

Today was definitely one of the worst day ever. It's not even close to a Bad day.

A journalist was interviewing me, and apparently, I didn't do well enough to give her the accurate spelling of a certain organisation. It is now published all over the newspaper, and the most popular newspaper in Singapore. I had to walk like to three different places just to get a copy of the newspaper because it ran out. That was fuck shit.

Yesterday, I celebrated a friend's birthday. I suggested, tying him to the chair and then do a lap dance. I thought it will make his birthday memorable. Oh, it got memorable alright. He had a sudden outburst of rage, crying here and there, because I truly have done it and pissed him off.

The day before yesterday, my Vice-President called me and told me that he was very sorry he can't help me in a lot of stuff. That was fucking stupid too. I just keep on doing and doing things that I didn't even bother to make the extra effort to rope him in and stuff. What the fuck?

I hate myself, I hate Kenneth, I hate that I can't get anything right.

The Sunset

Haha. Even my Facilitators says that they are disappointed in me. Oh, how I've fallen.

Go ahead. I already gave up on myself, why shouldn't you guys? I deserved it.

Pissed the only two advisors off consecutively. Can't concentrate in class. Ignoring people. Forcing myself to smile. Being rude.

Maybe I guess, my job is almost done. Maybe I guess, I am not the Kenneth you guys once knew.

It's alright. I don't mind drifting apart from anyone. I don't want to hurt anyone.

Stay away.

Nevermind. It's okay.

It's alright. I can start anew and afresh again. I can.

Who am I? Nobody. I am Nobody.

Who am I? Honestly, I don't have an answer to that question. I don't know who am I. All that I know, is I am not happy. What's Happy? Is it something you can eat and taste? Is it something you can touch? Is it something you feel or is it just plainly and purely hormones?

I haven't been happy for as long as I can remember. I haven't had a great laugh since...I can't remember. Everyday, I drag myself to school with heavy steps, I don't feel happy even if school has ended. Why? Honestly, I don't know the answer. I wished I knew though.

I am without any direction. Everything I do, feels so wrong. I don't know what I am doing, I forgot why I am doing it, I don't even know how to make things right. I feel so confused, like a ship without any destination, like a machine without any purpose, like a puppet without a master. Too many things has happened, I guess. =)

You don't have to reappear in my Life again. Really, you don't have to. Thank you for not considering my feelings. Thank you, cause thanks to you, I can't even feel anymore. So, really, Thank you very much!

Service-Learning is my passion. Now, that passion is ebbing and eroding because of various reasons. I can't keep this up for long either. Nevermind, it's alright. I can do without Service-Learning now that I don't have a heart anymore.

And for that guy, who constantly lies to make you look good in front of other people, I salute you. You definitely deserves that respect. I just don't like you, and so, deal with it. From now on, I am going to give the 'heck care' attitude. I am tired of people. I am tired of myself. I am not going to force myself to like you, I am not going to force myself to be nice to people I don't like, and I am certainly not going to force myself to do things that I don't like to do.